coming to terms with my arrogance

When I was a kid I mocked the songs with hand movements.  I was in the pre-school class and explained that people could understand us quite clearly without hand gestures and that the sign language was pointless if we had  no deaf people at our church.  "Besides, if I was deaf, I'd probably just want to read a sermon instead." I didn't realize until years later why the teacher laughed.

I've always had a mini-anarchist who lives in me.  Okay, when I put it that way it makes me sound like I'm schitzophrenic.  I've always had this aversion to authority.  I'm not overtly defiant.  I rarely get confrontational.  It's just that I don't treat people "above" me like there is an "above" me.  I have to trust you before I'll let you have a voice in my life.

I've always thought it was a democratic impulse within me.  I would have fit well in the Revolutionary period, aside from having to wear wigs and tights.  But when I'm honest with myself, the truth is that I'm not all that humble.  I view life through a critical lens, where I am the expert on all things important.  So, I give deferance on fashion and pop culture, but in things like religion and philosophy and teaching, I am quick to criticize the authorities. (For how this applies to my role as a teacher, check out this blog post)

So, whether it's the four year old mocking the songs with hand movements or the twenty-nine year old who criticizes K-LOVE, I'm realizing that I'll probably slip into arrogance way too often.  And for what it's worth, I've felt really embraced with the people who not only put up with a guy like me, but who seem to want me around.

I've often thought about how Jesus would respond if he went to church.  On some level, I can see him getting angry about how they use it to sell God-sponsored trinkets made by child labor in underdeveloped countries. But on another level, I wonder if he'd surprise us. I wonder if he'd sing and laugh and hug the introverts during the awkward greet-one-another time and I wonder if he'd bust out a bucket and start washing feet and I'd be so used to the grid of power and cynicism that I'd miss him. Or maybe I'd see him, because that approach is so off from my typical mode of operation.