I'm not the Nice Guy Teacher who hands out candy and offers free time (Isn't all education supposed to be an act of liberation?) and plays the pal at recess and lunch time. I am strict. I allow a large amount of freedom (we have tables instead of desks, where the students are allowed to eat and they may choose where to sit), but I will correct a child every time I see disrespect or laziness.Somehow I get the reputation as the Nice Guy Teacher, though. Thus teachers who have never visited my room often seem surprised by the lack of chaos and the serious demeanor that I have. I want my students to enjoy learning, but I also want them to grasp the fact that it is a serious endeavor. So, I use some humor and try and develop a good relationship with them. However, I expect full mental engagement.
I'm in a "behavior meeting," with a parent, a child and three other teachers. Under the guise of "finding solutions," each teacher blames and shames until the boy cries. (Occasionally teachers will actually delight in this, believing that shame leads to a change in direction, when, in fact, it leads to perfectionism, rebellion and ultimately hedging your bets and wearing masks so that no one ever knows you)
"He's doing well for me. I teach all the subjects except for the electives," I explain.
"That's only because of the pencils," another teacher says.
"I really think it's because he and I have found a way to get along," I add.
Another teacher says, "I wish I had a set of pencils. Maybe he would behave for me. I know he loves pencils. I guess we can't all have it our way."
"I'm not sure the pencils are the thing that makes it meanin. . ."
"Don't get defensive, Tom. He loves your class for the pencils. At least he doesn't interrupt you with stupid questions. In gym class . . ."
His voice trails off and I check out. Turns out this meeting was meant to shame and blame me. What he doesn't realize is that pencils will be exciting for a day. Any new technology is like that. We have a phonograph that the students fell in love with for a week. We have access to a telegraph that we use on occasion.
Ultimately, though, it is about trust and purpose. This child trusts me, because I don't shame him. In fact, the one time I yelled at him, I apologized and he responded with humility and strength. He trusts me, because I know him and I know him, because I take the time to listen. This child sees meaning and purpose in what we do in class. I try not to waste his time with meaningless work and in return he doesn't waste my time with meaningless chatter.
None of that requires a pencil.
When the meeting is over, the teachers walk out first. The child is sitting with his face buried in his hands, tears streaming down. An angry mother sits beside him.
As he gets up to leave, he says, "I don't just like your class for the pencils. I like pencils. But I like your class because it's fun. No, sometimes it's really boring and, I don't know. I don't know why I like your class, but it isn't just the pencils."
"I know," I tell him.
Awww, I love this. I am not sure I have sufficiently developed a culture of purposeful learning in my classroom. The collection of round tables gets a bit noisy at tomes and too many are not time-conscious enough. We work on it, or I'm afraid I am working on it. So much depends on our being respectful. Anger happens, how we deal with it matters very much. I always consider it a huge failure if a conference ends in tears of shame. Tears are close to the surface of many people. I recall last year I had a grade five student who was prone to cry if he was disappointed. I felt bad for him, but he was simply handling the moment. We need to know our students.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazingly well written. I hope that is the way that my classroom is. I think it's close. I think I'm going to post this somewhere for myself as something I want to strive for. Thanks for sharing this piece of awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteYes! Amazing...thanks for this!
ReplyDeleteWow! Love it!! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI hope the blamers and shamers see themselves in this and decide to try your approach next time!
ReplyDeleteSo many of the problems of life would be solved more quickly and smoothly if the parties involved worked on solutions, not blame. Behavior issues are another problem solving situation. How do we teach our students to approach a science problem? Blame the atoms first? No, they are encouraged to break the problem down, brainstorm solutions, try the solutions and evaluate how well it worked.
ReplyDeletegreat... just great (like in a good way) ... wish all educators could see things this way!
ReplyDeleteSo Awesome! You are what teachers should be! Thank you for ALL you do!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter came home with a note in her hand writing that said, "I took a time out today because I was talking while Ms. Smith was talking."
ReplyDeleteAll to often teachers use humiliation and coercion as a tactic to force compliance.
I enjoyed your article very much. It made me pause and think. Teachers aren't perfect and we make mistakes. But, if the main goal at the end of the day is to be the kind of teacher you would want your daughter/son/ granddaughter/grandson (or niece/nephew or loved one) to have as a teacher, then it usually is a positive day. I would want my child in your class, for the pencils, for the learning and for the experience.
ReplyDeleteYour posts are among my favorites. Enjoy your honesty and your depictions of how you're changing kids' lives!
ReplyDeleteSo easy for others to find a "reason" why kids enjoy another teacher's class, but it almost always boils down to a respectful relationship. I like to think that we have a safe and comfortable learning environment in my class, but I definitely think we get off task a bit too often. However, no kid would be made to feel humiliated and shamed like that.
ReplyDelete