Read this blog long enough and you'll hear a mantra about trust, humility, vulnerability and authenticity. I believe deeply in the idea that being vulnerable with one another draws people closer and that being humble actually leads to more authority (because people can trust a humble person).

These are the values I claim to believe. However, I found myself abandoning them during certain moments of the conference. For example, I told a fellow blogger about our globalization project, where students worked with other students in other cities to explore issues, engage with the community and express their social voice.

What I failed to mention is that there were some tough logistical issues when another school blocked Blogger. I failed to mention that some students complained about it and that as much as I tried to keep it engaging, I ultimately said, "you have to do this." I failed to mention the fact that some of the service projects weren't all that grand - a screening of a documentary and a letter-writing campaign to senators and congressional representatives.

Another time, when talking about math, I shared strategies that worked: students developing problems on their own, context-based math, multimedia prompts, blogging, etc. However, what I failed to mention is that I had a few days when I simply wasn't organized and we did bookwork.

I've told the story before about seeing the sheriff's department chasing after moms with strollers. What I often omit is that it was the custodian who had the courage to open the school gates and let families slip in for refuge.

Conferences are places where people sell things. Whether it's a vendor downstairs or a workshop presentation upstairs, there is an ethos of persuasion. Some people stay grounded better than I did. However, back here in Phoenix, I am already realizing that I spun stories. I omitted details. I exaggerated how amazing things were. I can call it anything, but the truth is that I lied. I feel horrible about it.

I did this for two reasons: first, I wanted to be well-liked. I wanted to matter. There's a dark, human desire to feel important. And if I'm feeling insecure (after I did when my ISTE proposal was rejected) it's easier for me to slip into the spin-zone mindset. My second reason is that I want to push certain ideas that are deep convictions of mine. It's more efficient to slip into propaganda than to model the very authenticity I claim to value.

When I look back at the conference, it was the moments of vulnerability that I value the most. Although I regret making the Maryvale Voice project sound important, I value the part of that conversation when I was honest about getting scared after having high test scores and then running away toward coaching. Although I regret acting like I keep up on all the blogs people write, I cherish the conversation about what it is like to blog and to open up before a community of educators.

My big take-home this year has little to do with apps or flipping or devices. Instead, my take-home has to do with me. I'm realizing again the need to be vulnerable, to be honest and to be humble. This blog used to be called "musings from a not-so master teacher," just like that free of any capital letters. Although it is now Education Rethink, I need to attend conferences remembering that I am still a not-so-master teacher.